Monday 4 June 2007

With the barbecue smoke just about clearing and digestive systems recovering from charred, semi-cooked sausages, the brand new week starts in the UK. What could be making Really Huge News by the time Friday comes and us Brits are again contemplating the summer food poisoning challenge? Possibly the following:

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The 18th anniversary of the massacre in Tiananmen Square is marked by the USA reporting a record trade deficit with China. Commerce Secretary Carlos M. Gutierrez admits that the US administration is troubled by China's human rights records but "we just lurve all those cheap electronics, toys, having another country to blame for the world's environmental problems and isn't Peking Duck just yummy".

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The US authorities demonstrate support for World Environment Day when Paris Hilton goes to jail.

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Sweden's National Day is celebrated as a holiday for the third time since Sweden broke away from Denmark in 1523. Fredrik Reinfeldt, the Swedish Prime Minister, answers criticism of half-hearted celebration of national identity by retorting that many people in many countries pay homage with regular and frequent Ikea days especially when getting that thing they didn't have in stock last time.

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George W. Bush's visit to Poland is celebrated as a huge success in the White House as he flies home with a plumber to fix that blocked toilet in the Oval Office washroom.

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The Royal Academy Summer Exhibition VIP private view provides Academy members with an opportunity to closely examine the beauty and lines of the modern artistic greats on display - Kylie Minogue, Jemima Goldsmith and Claudia Schiffer.

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Katie Price's book launch exceeds all expectations when the title is revealed: "Harry Potter and The Publicity Hungry, Surgically Enhanced But Commercially Aware Model Come Singer Come TV Star Come Writer".

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George W. Bush addresses the press at the G8 Summit in Germany acknowledging his failure to make poverty history. He confesses that history was his weakest subject at school along with math, science, geography, reading, writing, spilling ... but he was real good at sport and being nice to Daddy's friends.

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England surprisingly concede their Euro 2008 qualifier against Estonia when they fail to turn up in Tallinn. Steve McClaren resigns admitting that he realised it had been a mistake for him to let David Beckham make the travel arrangements when the team arrived at an East Anglian Travel Inn.

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