Friday 1 June 2007

With the week starting on Monday with a public holiday, it doesn't feel as though the weekend is imminent. Really Huge News, however, shows no respect to holidays and the world continues to turn. I, therefore, share some Really Huge News from the last few days as reported in the UK. For those of you reading this overseas somewhere, the UK is situated in northern Europe, just beside the Netherlands (fill in your own jokes related to reality TV formats and organ donation) and, thanks to global warming, has a sub-tropical climate, this week featuring rain and the occasional sunny period.

The REALLY HUGE NEWS this week is:


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Performance artist Mark McGowan ate corgi to protest at the British Royal Family's cruelty to animals. The choice of corgi was, of course, because of the Queen's world famous passion for this particular breed of dog. The reason for Mr McGowan's particular course of protest action becomes clear when you discover the email address detailed on his web site - chunkymark1974@yahoo.com

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Andy Coulson is the British Conservative party's new Director of Communications. Mr Coulson distinguished career in tabloid journalism will greatly assist him in his new role. Having edited the Sun newspaper's Bizarre column, he is fully prepared for policy discussions, and having edited the News Of The World newspaper, he is well placed to express views on the clean living Tory leadership. His CV would be complete if he had some close connection to Rupert Murdoch. Bingo! (And other tabloid gimmicks to come).

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Cows in New Zealand are producing skimmed milk. Apparently no interest from chunkymark1974.

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The Kominato Hotel Mikazuki in Japan is no longer the proud owner of two communal gold baths - one for men and one for women - each weighing 80 kilograms and worth 120 million yen. Mysteriously the male bath has disappeared. Interpol are seeking Ronnie Corbett after hotel management were reported as saying that the burglar had got clean away.

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The Sachertorte, the Austrian classic chocolate cake, is 175 years old. The Tesco sell by date is still next Monday.

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A 71 year old Japanese man has become the oldest person to climb Everest. He apparently celebrated at the summit by washing in a gold bath.

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42 is once again the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and everything. This time it is the age at which you are unable to accommodate technological innovation. As someone who uses complete words and punctuation in text messages, I find this hard to believe. Now all I need to do is to work out how to change the ribbon on this nice Blogger typewriter so that I can make sure my secret musings are legible.

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Gordon Brown has put Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on his summer reading list. Gordon can't wait to see who comes out on top - the boyish, charming wizard who managed to make the Labour party electable again or the older, cunning, evil financial manipulator who most people have realised has increased the tax burden quite considerably and mortgaged the future by overuse of PFI funded initiatives. My guess - a draw.

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Microsoft has launched a coffee table computer. An immediate answer for those aged 42 plus.

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A US Patent and Trademark Office spokesperson expressed surprise at the concern expressed by Indian authorities at patents being issued covering the ancient art of yoga stating that he thought everyone knew that it all started in Jellystone Park. Smarter than your average patent attorney!

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Big Brother 8 started in the UK on Wednesday. All the contestants are female, so far, and, as far as we know, have all their organs in perfect working order with the obvious exception of their brains. I, of course, will only be watching in case there is any Really Huge News and to save you the need to do so yourself. As an aside, I'd like to scotch the rumour that I am Sam and Amanda, the 18 year old twins - combined (clearly the hope of Channel 4 producers) they are not in the 42 plus club.

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Ewa Sowinska, the Polish spokesperson for children's rights, has been hit by a lawsuit following her call for Tinky Winky to be investigated for promoting a gay lifestyle. Jerry Falwell's estate is suing for unauthorised use of intellectual property quoting US Patent # 666 issued to Mr Falwell covering Tellytubby related homophobic ranting.

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