Friday 29 June 2007

As the week draws to a close and finger nails are just about clean of Glastonbury mud, it's time to look back on recent happenings.

The REALLY HUGE NEWS this week is:

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Gordon Brown has become the third prime minister of Queen Elizabeth II's reign not to have won a general election. Tony Blair became Liz's fourth prime minister to leave by resigning rather than losing a general election. As ever, one step ahead of Gordon.

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Meanwhile Tony Blair has launched his personal website featuring this rather fetching picture:

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The launch of IBM's Blue Gene/P, the world's fastest supercomputer capable of performing 1,000 trillion calculations per second, went horribly wrong when it permanently crashed trying to answer a question about whether it's right for the Spice Girls to reform.

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Andy Murray's Wimbledon no-show meant the re-instatement of Tiger Tim and Henman Hill. The tabloids rejoiced with Alliterative Awfulness only for Desperate Defeat in the Second Round.

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Polish magazine Wprost has come under fire for its front page picture mock-up of Angela Merkel breastfeeding twin brothers - the president and prime minister of Poland. The editors immediately apologised, admitting their ignorance of EU milk quotas.

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iPhone mania has hit the USA. Greg Packer has been queuing outside the Manhattan Apple store since Monday to get an iPhone the moment it is released. David Clayman is just behind Mr Packer and Steve Jobs is third in line as the iPhone is so popular this is the only way he's sure of getting one.

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Reports this week reveal that the CIA plotted with the Mafia to overthrow Castro, investigated John Lennon and conspired to make Simon Cowell reinstate Louis Walsh as a judge on The X Factor.

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Paris Hilton told the world that being in prison changed her beyond belief. Mis Hilton failed to mention that this was because the Governor ensured she changed her clothes, her hairstyle, and her jewellery.

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Judge Roy Pearson lost his US$54 million claim for damages resulting from Custom Cleaners allegedly mislaying a pair of his trousers. His plans to appeal have been put on hold along with his calls about keeping his position in the judiciary.

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The police investigating the cash for honours allegations paid for a porn star to fly from California to the UK to help with their inquiries. The police officers involved remember little about their meeting with Courtney Coventry but say that it was an honour for which they were happy to pay cash.

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