Friday 22 June 2007

As the week draws to a close and following the traditional summer solstice observance - Day 23 of Big Brother - it's time to look back on recent happenings.

The REALLY HUGE NEWS this week is:

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The Dutch trucker caught eating pasta from a saucepan while driving his 40 tonne lorry one handed along the A55 in North Wales, apologised profusely as he didn't realise the protocol in Britain is to eat spaghetti on toast.

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The Royal Mail has lost its contract with Amazon. A spokesman stated "We know it's somewhere but can't put our finger on it straight away".

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Cadbury's has announced sweeping steps to become leaner. First, lay-off all those Creme Eggs.

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The advertising watchdog has blocked 50 year old "Go To Work On An Egg" adverts citing public health concerns at eating half century old eggs.

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Following the Vatican's Ten Commandments for Motorists, Buddhism launches Four Noble Truths about hair styling, and the Mormons re-issue their 13 Articles of Faith - one for each wife.

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Nicolas Sarkozy has explained that at his infamous G8 press conference he was running late, took a flight of stairs four steps at a time and was "out of breath" ... as a newt.

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China has overtaken the USA as the world's biggest CO2 emitter. That's one big SodaStream. George W.Bush immediately assured his nation that the hot air released by the 2008 Presidential election campaign will soon return the USA to world dominance.

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Ukvisas denied applicants entry to the UK because they did not have sufficient command of English. They failed to demonstrate an ability to ... speak ... slowly ... and ... LOUDLY.

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French officials have been forbidden from using Blackberry wireless email devices for reasons of state security. There are concerns that they may fall out of pockets when running up flights of stairs four steps at a time.

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Gordon Brown is considering including non-Labour party members in his cabinet to kick-start his administration and immediately give it wider popular appeal. Paddy Ashdown and the Liberal Democrats have rejected him but he's pretty confident about Paul Potts as Secretary of State for Wales and Pete Bennett as Secretary of State for Culture.

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