Friday 6 July 2007

As the week draws to a close and families start to wonder what they'll do without an episode of Dr Who to enjoy, it's time to look back on recent happenings.

The REALLY HUGE NEWS this week is:

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The Bank of England's decision to increase interest rates combined with accelerating property prices means that the total cost of buying an average house over a typical 25 year mortgage term is now so high that shockingly it's reached the level of two weeks wages for a Premier League footballer.

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Jade Goody has been banned from driving for six months after being spotted by traffic police "acting confused" at a zebra crossing while listening to Michael Jackson.

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Dr Who fans have attacked the announcement of the Dr's new assistant with loud cries of "Extermitate, Extermitate, Extermitate".

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The Nepalese living goddess who was sacked for visiting the USA rejected accusations that she had been tainted by her trip and offered to prove her divinity by feeding a multitude with five Colonel Crispy Strip buckets and two Filet-O-Fish and turning water into bottled water.

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The thirty individuals who won a contest to destroy bathrooms and bedrooms in a Madrid hotel expressed their pride at getting the hotel just right for the imminent hordes of summer holidaymakers from Britain.

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The Worcestershire cave home auctioned for £100,000 has been put back on the market. The buyer explained that she understood that there'd be no electricity or water supply but hadn't realised that bin collections were once a fortnight.

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An investigation has revealed that the main technical secret leaked by Ferrari's team manager to McLaren's chief designer was the design details of a special tool enabling supercars to navigate speed bumps.

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The administrators of bankrupt and relegated Leeds United Football Club have warned that the club may not start next season. Fans celebrate anticipating far fewer losses than last season.

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President Bush continuing his mastery of right and wrong commuted the prison sentence of Lewis Libby for perjury and obstructing justice. Handed a get out of jail free card, "Scooter" Libby thanked George W. for his help and for standing by his friends, a sentiment echoed by the bin Laden family.

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Gordon Brown has lifted restrictions on flying the national flag on government buildings. Public authorities now have a choice of the Cross of St. Andrew and the Stars and Stripes.

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