Monday 28 May 2007

The brand new week starts in the UK with a bank holiday - a public holiday that gives people time off to buy bargain leather sofas, sit in traffic jams, and have barbecues in the rain. What could be making Really Huge News by the time Friday comes and us Brits have once again realised that the banks being on holiday has evolved into a multitude of cash burning opportunities? Possibly the following:

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The World Meteorological Organisation (WMO) lambasts Finland and Venezuela for introducing public area smoking bans. The WMO executive council's annual review of the state of the earth's atmosphere controversially recommends the scrapping of such bans to increase secondary smoking and, therefore, reduce the amount of CO2 being released into the atmosphere.

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The International Whaling Commission stirs up more controversy by joining the smoking debate and coming out against the "No Tobacco Day" and in favour of smoking. The Japanese spokesperson makes a point of recommending the smoked whale blubber sushi.

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Second Life welcomes Sweden's virtual embassy and, almost immediately, the virtual manufacturing plant for Ferrero Rocher.

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The anti-evolution Creation Museum in Kentucky, USA closes its doors days after opening as a result of multiple law suits triggered by its people mingling with dinosaurs exhibit. The intellectual property infringement claims are valid claims lead spokesperson Barney who goes on to deny that this is payback time for his show being banned from the Philippines for witchcraft and necromancy.

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Radio Caracas TV is back on the air having agreed to drop its criticism of the Hugo Chavez regime, work to boost the image of Venezuela, and, most importantly, stop broadcasting Barney.

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The Bhutan authorities are re-evaluating their approach to educating people about democracy when the mock election results in Gordon Brown taking power.

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Airbus shares plummet when the latest Airbus 380 airport compatability tests in Charles De Gaulle airport result in "Non, Non, Non".

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The International Conference on Nuclear Criticality Safety in St Petersburg, Russia ended in disarray and disaster. The fallout is still being assessed.

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Nearby in Moscow, the International Federation of Journalists annual congress, "Making News for Democracy: Building Trust in Quality Journalism" is a huge success despite dangerous overcrowding at the break-out session "The Use of Irony in Choosing Congress Locations".

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David Beckham's return to the England football side is frustrated after he pulls out of England's first international at the new Wembley Stadium. Beckham refused to face Brazil after he realised that his latest hairstyle, developed specially for the occasion, cannot be seen from the stadium's top tier.

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