Monday 21 May 2007

The week ahead beckons with the bouncing excitement of a young puppy. What could be making Really Huge News by the time Friday comes in and we're all dog-tired and eager for the weekend? Possibly the following:


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Channel Five will offer Tony Blair a pilot for a TV series entitled "Britain Is The Best Country In The World". The pilot will be on "Making a Cup of Tea". If successful, this will be followed by "Our Policeman Do Not Carry Guns", "We Do Everything To Protect Civil Liberties" and "We're Not Superficial - How I Got To The Top With Imperfect Teeth".


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Demonstrating once again that history does repeat itself, following the excitement of the penalty shoot out deciding the European Champions League Final between Liverpool and AC Milan, Chelsea spend £30 million on a once great footballer just past his prime.

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Chaos in the British Labour Party as Gordon Brown abandons his campaign for leadership of the party following revelations that his attempts to smile have adversely affected the weather by creating what meteorologists call an occlusion and normal people call a bit wet for this time of year.

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The International Atomic Energy Agency reports that Iran has not complied with the UN Security Council deadline to halt uranium enrichment. Tony Blair immediately orders a military strike on Tehran saying "What the hell. I'm going anyway. Let Gordon sort this one out".

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The Russian authorities change their mind and decide not to ban the Moscow Gay Pride Parade. Instead they've relocated it to a little camp in Siberia.

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The Irish general election results surprise many when the Eurovision Party comes from nowhere to sweep to power. Dana, the new Taoiseach explained that Irish musicians had switched to politics as they can never win the Eurovision Song Contest again because of Eastern bloc voting. "This was an election we could win", she said. Dana added that she stood by her party's campaign to bring Ireland "All Kinds Of Everything".


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The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh's visit to a Hindu Temple in Bradford is cut short when members of the temple asked "What does a Prince Philip do?"


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Following hot on the heels of the Mars Bar Non-Veg/Veg fiasco, Cadbury's comes clean about the ingredients in their Fruit and Nut bars.

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Tintin marks Hergé's centennial in controversial style by filing copy to his newspaper for only the second time ever revealing his time with Joseph Ratzinger in the Hitler Youth.


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America's record on human rights is under the spotlight after the United Nations identifies serious breaches, most notably the continued worldwide syndication of Baywatch.

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