Friday 18 May 2007

As the weekend in the Middle East is half-way through, I thought I’d share some really huge news from the last few days as reported in the UK. For those of you reading this overseas somewhere, the UK is situated in northern Europe, just to the right of Ireland (fill in your own jokes related to Anglo-Irish political differences) and, thanks to global warming, has a sub-tropical climate, this week featuring rain.

The REALLY HUGE NEWS this week is:

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The UK Government has decided, after all, that it will license scientists to create human animal hybrid embryos for research. Critics say that consideration of the deep ethical issues has been side-stepped as, once again, the Goverment is playing the populist card by trying to ride on the back of the success of the Spider-Man movies.


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Mars Bars, Twix and Snickers are now no longer suitable for Muslims with the introduction of animal product rennet. There is absolutely no truth that this is the latest George W. Bush inspired move for the War On Terror - "Now those terrorismists can't Work, Rest and Play".

The manufacturers appear to be unconcerned about any impact on their Muslim or vegetarian customer base. No-one, however, seems to have mentioned any objections that any-one might have of having ones daily confectionary treat laced with a substance produced in the fourth stomach of young cows bred for veal production. Pleasure You Can't Measure.

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Bubba Ludwig has been issued with a gun permit in Illinois. 10 months old Bubba has been wondering why he was not issued one the moment his father's sperm fertilised his mother's egg - "don't my parents know the Bill of Rights?" or as Bubba put it "Goo, goo, goo, Charlton Heston?"

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Prince Harry will not be spending a tour of duty in Iraq after all. The UK military have assessed the risk to Harry and those around him is too great. Now all they need to do is sort through the long line of soldiers wearing "I'm Harry" T-shirts to find the real one.

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Jerry Falwell died this week. Much has been said about Mr. Falwell. He certainly helped to make religious groupings a powerful force in US politics. Perhaps most significantly, he made a major contribution to free speech in his US Supreme Court loss against Larry Flynt of Hustler infamy delivering stronger free speech rights in relation to parody. So Jerry - the Teletubbies "Say Goodbye", especially Tinky Winky.


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The beauty of the Taj Mahal has been diminished in recent years by pollution discolouring the once pristine marble from which this labour of love is constructed. The solution has been staring us in the face all this time - apply a mud pack. Well not staring me in my face. My days of mudpackery are long gone.

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A re-print of a 1982 Birmingham Mail newspaper published to commemorate the 25th anniversary of Aston Villa Football Club's European Cup victory caused confusion in the local property market. A number of readers found the £53,500 price for a four bedroomed house very appealing. The current market valuation would be ten times this amount. So they decided to take the logical next step. That's right, ignore that they were reading a re-print of a quarter of a century old newspaper, and try to buy this bargain house.

These same individuals also tried to re-negotiate their salaries to the 1982 average of £7,117, pay £297 for a Sony 22 inch colour TV, £470 for a Sony video recorder, 58 pence for a pint of beer, £1.64 for a gallon of petrol, £16,731 for a Porsche 911, £80 for a Sony Walkman and 16 pence for a vegetarian Mars Bar.

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Alan Johnson, the UK's Secretary of State for Education and Skills has published the list of the top 167 books for teenage boys. This initiative is to help encourage reading. Something that boys are apparently not so good at.

The top 5 are:

1) The Top 10 of Everything 2007 by Russell Ash

2) Strange Powers of the Human Mind (Forbidden Truths) by Herbie Brennan

3) A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

4) I Know You Got Soul by Jeremy Clarkson

5) Guinness Book of Records

You have to wait for number 14 to get the first work of fiction - Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - unless you consider the complete list a masterclass in detached from reality thinking.

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TV celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey had one tonne of horse manure dumped outside his Michelin 1 star rated Claridge's restaurant by protesters from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals because horse meat was featured on chef Ramsey's TV programme "The F Word". This has solved a long-running mystery as to the mischievous "F" in the programme title. Having watched and enjoyed the programme but having no clue as to what the "F" in Ramsey's programme stood for, it all became suddenly crystal clear - dial "F" for Fertiliser.

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Jose Mourinho prepared for the culmination of Chelsea Football Club's season - their FA Cup Final appearance - by being arrested in a dog related incident. This might bring back curious memories of reports about footballer Stan Collymore but that would be totally misplaced and somewhat worrying.

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