Monday 3 September 2007

It's the biggest thing on the internet. Unfortunately. It comes in wave after wave. It's annoying, boring and tedious. The evil spam. The email kind not the meat "treat".

Presumably there is a financial reward for generating huge volumes of emails and sending them randomly into the ether. If not, they would have dried up and gone away. Except for those that are aiming to infect computers and use them for ill got and gain. Or obtain some sort of weird thrill.

I had a quick scan at the emails that my spam filters caught. I also looked at those that evaded the filtering process. I couldn't work out the difference. Overall, however, they fall into three categories as the following example email subject lines demonstrate:

Category 1 - Tempting

You have new mail from Olga

Didn't I know an Olga once? Maybe I'd like to know an Olga? Lets have a look at what she sent me.

This video rocks

How did the sender know that my hobby and passion is geology?

Funny ecard

Excellent. I need some jokes I can borrow for my blog.

u are so nice, dear

This is so, so true. I implicitly trust where this link will take me.

I have numerous other examples of the Tempting spam category that I could mention. I think it best that I save you from temptation.

Category 2 - Improving

don't get left behind

Oh no. I'm at risk of getting left behind. I'd better see how I can keep up.

can you imagine that you are healthy?

I can. But what if there is something horrible lurking unannounced within my body. What does my nocturnal bathroom visit really mean? Did I have that mole yesterday? Needing to drink twelve cans of Red Bull every day is normal, isn't it?

hey man, stop throwing away your money

Come to think of it, our holiday was somewhat expensive. Actually very expensive for someone not in full time employment. And then there's all that back to school stuff.

become fit and happy again

When was it that I was both fit and happy at the same time. Oh yes. Childhood memories are always so, what's the word? Confusing? No. Misleading? No. Selective? No. Confusing.

I have numerous other examples of the Improving spam category that I could mention. I don't think you want me to go to those lengths.

Category 3 - Weird

cradlers

I have cradled many a baby, particularly two very special ones. Now they are twelve and eight, my cradling needs have diminished thank you.

mollison

I think there is a Mollison Way in north-west London. I'm not totally sure. The spelling might not be the same. In any case, I have no pressing need to go there.

effisant

It's words like effisant that annoy me. I'm enjoying a book and some smarty pants author sends me to the dictionary to discover how well read I am not. Frankly, you've turned me off.

kkuhsuos

Now you're just being silly.

If I want weird. I can just follow this link.